10 Things This Bastard Hates About San Diego Comic Con

I've been going to this thing for a while and things that annoy or piss me off never really change. They just get worse year after year. 1. Taking Pictures --Fuck your pictures! Nobody cares that you need a pic of overweight Rouge with her muffin top blasting out or "bold" Batman showing crazy mid drift. You stop the flow of the crowd and stop everyone from moving!! You just created a human car wreck, asshole.

That's Right, You Better Get Low

2. Stop Handing Me Shit -- My god is the Vegas? You can’t walk five feet without people handing you complete shit. Little 3x5 cards with worthless information. I can’t throw this in the trash (to the ground) fast enough.

Well, He wasn't There But You Get the Idea.

3. Babies -- Strollers to be exact, well anything that rolls. No offense against wheel chairs, this is more for strollers. Great you brought your stupid infant and now everyone suffers, just leave little jr. in the car next time ya’ jerk.

Clones Can't Have Babies!

4. Shitty, Shitty Cosplay -- Hey look I know that mask, suit, face paint took you all of five minutes to do but if someone has to help you walk or I can’t figure out what you are, piss off. Oh and if your shit blocks foot traffic in anyway, with a large head back pack or wings, you my friend can eat crap. Oh and I get it chef Vader with the jar-jar head on a tray was funny five years ago, get something new or piss off.

Excuse me Sir, Can You Please Get off the Grass? Sir?

5. Seating at Panels -- Are you mental? This panel has been going on for 20 mins and it’s nowhere near being full and you walk in and want to sit right beside me. Wtf!!? Oh and turn the fucking AC down it's not that damn hot outside, all that AC makes me sleepy. Oh and clear the big rooms so someone else can enjoy that shit, H and ballroom 20 are a joke- assholes camp in them all day-- Jerks.

Looks like any Indie Comic Panel at the Con.

6. Food—First off, you have to bring your own or starve to death. I for one always bring a host of different travel snacks to get me by till I’m really hungry. But If you do find food that doesn’t suck (or you paid out the ass for), the real question is, where you going to eat it? Did you say the floor like an animal or an Anime kid? Good because you are. This place needs more than one “proper” place to sit and eat. Worse comes to worse you can hit the gas lamp and find something--something that resembles a line, a line that you will be waiting in.

Is This Burger's on its period?

7. Lines—You’ve got to be fucking kidding me with this shit? Lines here, lines there, lines for this, lines for that. It’s enough to make you want to kill someone. Half of the time you don’t get into whatever you’re waiting for or they run out of whatever free crap they were handing out. Wanted to see that Riff Tracks panel? Well fuck you buddy, you should have gotten here the moment they opened the doors, so you could sit here all day just to secure a seat. Oh and by the way don’t ask what the line is for dip shit, remember that book they gave you with your badge? It had all the answers! Oh and when shit leads outside by the pier and back inside, you’re fucked so just keep walking.


8. Showtime --The cable movie channel. Yeah I know this is odd but all they ever seem to do is piss a stupid graphic on all of SD transit. None of their programming reflects shit about the comic culture at all. I hate the fact that TV and movie shit are there to begin with but Showtime sucks on a whole other level and they need to fuck off...hard.

Pretty Much What's Wrong With Comic Con.

9. Sunday is Kids Day – What a waste of a day. You would think with all the other shit they have on Sunday they would hook it up and send the Con off with a big bang. But no, they want you to enjoy sharing the passion with your seed and showing them that’s comics are your life and the best part is they’ll forget it the next day as you cram them back on a plane and go back to wherever the hell you come from.

Piff, A Supergirl with no arms and Captain American with no boots.

10. You -- Well it shouldn't be a real big surprise. About half of the things that suck at SDCC are caused by you. That's right you're to blame. You’re the reason the ticket prices keep going up, you’re the reason Hollywood keeps bringing stupid shit here, the reason for the lines, for the smells, for stupid questions you ask at every single panel. One question means one question. Not two real fast ones. God! You know people that actually live in SD hate you. You fuck up their town pretty hard while you’re there. The worst part is you don’t like or read comics. “Wow what a great movie” You know that was a comic five years ago right? A comic book really? That’s cool. Yeah ya dick, it sure is, enjoy the Con.

Hide your girlfriends.

I guess this is the part where I tell you that despite these things, you should go and have a blast because it's so fun. I guess it can be depending on what you're there for. The sad part is that it doesn't seem to be that anyone is there for comics. They might as well call it, "Everything Under the Fucking Sun Con". Because comics seem to have fallen to the wayside. So go ahead and make plans for 2012 but just remember what you learned about yourself and your Con ways, for everyone's sake.