2013 Comic Book Round-Up: The Worst – Part 1

Welcome to Comic Bastards' yearly "Worst of" list. That’s right, “Worst”! We don’t just tell you what the “Best” of the year is we remind you of everything you’d like to forget. We have so many contributors on the site now that we actually had to break the list up into parts this year. This is part one which will cover "Great Cover, But the Issue Sucked", "Worst Ongoing Series" and "Worst Mini-Series" with amazing belts created by our very own Steve Paugh! You can find Part 2 and Part 3 by clicking on the previous links. Also be sure to check out this week's podcast to hear Kevin and Dustin read and have fun with everyone's worst of list! Thanks for reading and if you’d like to check out the “Best of” list then you can do so here: Part 1Part 2Part 3 and Part 4.

Great Cover, But the Issue Sucked

1 - Great Cover But The Issue Sucked

Jordan - Burn the Orphanage (Image Comics)

I had a lot of hope for Burn the Orphanage after reading some reviews and checking out some artwork. I read it. I do not like Burn the Orphanage.

Kevin - Jailbait #1 (Blue Water Comics)

On the cover you think: Whoa, this looks like a hot chick that's going to whoop some ass. Inside the book: No asses are whooped or shown.

Carl - Kiss Kids #1 (IDW Publishing)

This could have been a twisted, odd comic.  Instead it plays it safe and stays tame.

Steve - Villains Month's Lenticular Covers (DC Comics)

Yeah, pretty much all of 'em...

James - The Villains Month #.1s (Nearly all of them) (DC Comics)

Some of the best covers... with some of the lamest stories ever. Swamp Thing/Arcane 23.1 was the only one of merit to me.

Samantha - Age of Ultron #1 (Samantha)

Marvel has great artists...No doubt, but I could tell from issue one that the cover would not match this pathetic storyline I had to drag through.

Erik - Hinterkind #1 (Vertigo Comics)

This one is pretty simple, nothing really happened. It felt like the creators were still getting a feel for everything.

Jeff - Fearless Defenders #1 (Marvel Comics)

In fact, the whole run of 'Fearless Defenders' had amazing covers by stellar artist Mark Brooks, but the actual book was dreadful, one of the worst bait and switches I've had with a comic.

Dustin - Oz #1 or 2 or 3 (Zenescope Entertainment)

If there was ever a book with a great cover (or covers) it was Oz from Zenescope. I’ve dubbed this series “Sexy Oz” because let’s be honest… that’s what it is. I loved the covers for the first issue. They were great, they got me interested in this new version of Oz and then I opened up the issue and was instantly disappointed by the interior art. I was forgiving of the story at first, but that quickly wore off when it became clear that it wasn’t getting any better or trying to.

Adam - 90% of Zenescope's Catalog (Zenescope)

I'd love to support this publisher since they practically operate in my backyard, but that would go against my integrity and everything I enjoy and value about comics.  I hate their logic on covers, literally every book they ever do has at least 5 covers but the interior art and story just suck most of the time.  And for the people who collect all of these, you're a sucker for buying into this scheme and it's just downright pathetic.  Try to interact with human beings once in a while and not immerse yourself in the world of Sluts in Wonderland.

Worst Ongoing Series

2 - Worst Ongoing Series

Steve - Burn the Orphanage (Image Comics)

What started out as a cool idea to lampoon old, iconic video games quickly became a terrible parody of itself.

Dustin – Blackacre (Image Comics)

I try not to bust on independent books or self-published titles because I know it’s a lot of work for the creators, but this story… this story. I tried, I really tried to read it and understand it all-year-long and I just couldn’t. I’ve finished the majority of the issues, but there were a few that I bailed on after only a few issues. It’s not for me and I don’t understand why it’s still going when it’s hellbent on running itself into the ground.

Samantha – Lazarus (Image Comics)

You have a robot hot chick with family issues. Sounds good, but this title can't keep the emotion alive long enough for me to stay interested.

Adam - Bedlam (Image Comics)

Loved the first story arc, but this second one is majorly disappointing.

Kevin – Voltron (Dynamite Entertainment)

Have you been reading this? Still somehow fails to embody the spirit of my five favorite robot cats.

Erik - Superior Spider-Man (Marvel Comics)

I dislike (hate) everything about this book. The mind of Otto Octavius inside the body of one of the most beloved characters in comic book history? How can this even still be on the shelves? It just doesn’t make sense. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

Jeff - Fearless Defenders (Marvel Comics)

Misty Knight and Valkyrie team up. Nuff said right? That is until you crack it open and find generic artwork, mundane scripting, and awkward fan-service. With beautiful and badass covers by Mark Brooks it reminds me of Asylum movies where the cover promises a world of cool things but the actual product is notably discount. How did a book with this great of a set up go this wrong?

Carl - Anything 80s Revival

People cash in on the nostalgia and neglect to add any substance to the material.  Shame on you.

Jordan – Droves of Cartoon Spin-off Books That Don’t Contribute Anything Different Than the Show

Seriously, what’s the point?

Worst Mini-Series or One-Shot

3 - Worst Mini-Series or One-Shot

Jordan - Burn the Orphanage (Image Comics)

I do not like Burn the Orphanage.

Kevin - Five Weapons (Image Comics)

Worst is a bit too harsh but this was a mini that I really want to love. The art was fantastic but the story missed on every level for me. With drab pacing and drawn out dialogue, this series was a bit of a disappointment.

Steve - Mara (Image Comics)

This thing is WAY overrated: a flat premise that isn't as groundbreaking or pathos-driven as everyone thinks and has the most wooden art I've ever seen. (Honorable Mention: Polarity - an interesting idea drowned in pretentiousness)

Carl - Any of the Sex Books (Mostly Image Comics)

The recent rash of sexually overt comics have mediocre stories and none of the intelligence to back up the salacious content.  It's like the creators are kids who just learned how to use swear words.

Adam - Zombie War (IDW Publishing)

This is the worst book I've had to read for the site so far.  I just think they tried to jump on the zombie craze and failed miserably.  A lackluster story, terrible name, mediocre art, all for $3.99.  No thanks.

Erik - House of Gold and Bone (Dark Horse Comics)

I’ll admit that I didn’t read many minis this year, but I still know which one disappointed. What hurt the most about it was that I actually did have high hopes for it, but it just didn’t deliver. Then again, I’m really careful about not reading a lot of minis on purpose. I tend to be a bigger fan of ongoing titles.

Samantha - Planet of the Apes: Cataclysm (Boom Studios)

I loved this series, and then it ended without a bang or even a coherent ending. I was very disappointed since this was the first comic that I ever reviewed for Comic Bastards.

James - 3 Guns (Boom Studios)

The sequel to 2 Guns which became a movie; 3 Guns is nothing more than a slick talking "we're too cool" to worry about danger tale that is lame.

Jeff - Robocop: Last Stand (Boom Studios)

*Read the reason on Worst Movie/TV or Video Game Comic Adaptation

Dustin – Polarity (Boom Studios)

To say that I’m a big fan of "Say Anything" would be an understatement, but if you thought I was going to give Max Bemis a free pass on this series then you’re wrong. It pissed me off on how terrible the story was. I’m glad that he’s bringing up the subject of bi-polar since I know there are a lot people affect by it, but again I’m not giving it a free pass just because it pretends to be helpful. This story was so frustratingly bad that I would rank it under Freelancers and I really fucking hated that book.

Dustin’s Honorable Mention – Thanos Rising (Marvel Comics)

Let’s retcon Thanos’ origin! I wonder if this series would have turned out better with the original creative team, but the hype of the book picked up and Marvel shuffled Jason Aaron over to the title and he rammed his cock into it hard. You want to know what this story is about? Thanos is a serial killer that then spreads his seed across the galaxy and then kills all his kids because the woman he “loves” told him to. What’s the point you ask? Thane… it was all a set up for Thane… and that sucked too. -- Keep going with our "Worst of 2013" list by checking out Part 2 and Part 3! Thanks for reading and please leave us a comment below!