You’re not going to like this idea one bit so just go ahead a brace yourself. For this edition of the Comic Bastards Toolbox I’m not pulling out the tools to fix Deadpool… I’m going to kill him. I did say that you wouldn’t like it.

Here’s the thing about Deadpool… he’s everything that’s wrong with comic books right now. People that aren’t a fan of Deadpool are like a unicorn and yet Deadpool is never in the top ten of comics, his video game wasn’t a breakout hit and his movie is in limbo at Fox. Yet Marvel finds ways to exploit his popularity any way they can because he moves product.

He moves merchandise. Just look at all the variant covers that Marvel pumps out with him on it and a trip to WeLoveFine.com have you wondering why they don’t just make an off shoot site of just Deadpool t-shirts.

My biggest problem with Deadpool is that Rob Liefeld created him and receives a royalty; my second problem is that he’s never funny. NEVER.

Deadpool’s comic does okay. It does well enough that Marvel never has to cancel it, just reboot the numbering when needed. He’s surpassed being a comic book character though which makes his comic irrelevant.

Think of it like this, how many Mickey Mouse cartoons have you watched in your life? Not many, is the answer that doesn’t involve you lying to yourself, and yet that mousey fuck moves a ton of product. That’s all he’s good for. Sure Disney has actually released new cartoons starring the mouse, but at the end of the day that’s just to squelch the people who would say he’s just a mascot. He, much like Deadpool, is just merchandise.

Now sure some of that product could be a comic book, but because his sole purpose has become t-shirts and toys his presence in comics is harmful. People expect less from him. “As long as I laugh it’s okay” seems to be the attitude with anyone that picks up the series. Well I read it and get to the end of an issue and breathe a sigh of relief that it’s over. Reading that book is like being in a scene from Deerhunter and when I put the book down I know I made it another round.

There you go, just kill the fucker and stop giving Liefeld money and continue putting him in cartoons, toys, lunch boxes and hey the Cosplayers will keep him alive no matter what so who cares if he has a terrible comic book limping around hogging shelf space for something that’s actually worth reading.

You may still be asking yourself how this “fixes” Deadpool and to that I say I removed the lie surrounding his existence.