I told you I was going to do something special for this review; I just didn’t think that it would take me this long to put it all together. I have zero interest in this book, but I felt like I needed to say something about it. Every time I tried to read it normally, I just couldn’t. Occasionally when I’m reading a comic I’ll tweet about what I’ve just read. That’s fun and all, but if you’re not reading it with me, I just look crazy. This page by page review is essentially that, me tweeting to you about each page and really because that was the only way I was going to finish reading the book. I also have the approved preview to help me with the first few pages, but after that you’re on your own! Page 1

They blame Lovecraft and talk about jail. Also the art layouts are terrible and fail at directing the eye from panel to panel.

Page 2

Again… terrible page layout. The coloring looks like an old brownish photo with the exception of the brightly colored magazine. Also a secret society killed Lovecraft, pretty terrible way to go since it looks like a scene out of Princess Bride, only not as funny.

Page 3

At this point I’m fucking tired of reading the caption squares. They’re boring and basically explaining the entire back story to me so that they don’t have to have a character magically figure it out for us. Also, nice hat asshole!

Page 4

This page shows us which licensed franchises were approved for this crossover. The concept of this idea is cool, the execution is not.

Page 5

A “super vampire” huh? That sounds like a boss from a Capcom video game. Weird close up on Britt’s ass and under carriage, doesn’t quite convey the sex appeal I think the artist was going for.

Page 6 and 7

Not only is this a boring ass page to look at, there is only one bit of dialog. It’s supposed to be funny, but it’s not. If you’re going to deliver a punch line, make it good.

Page 8

These vampires talk like total assholes. Nothing they say isn’t stupid. Also, I’m getting tired of the dotted backgrounds whenever the artist was too lazy to draw an actual background.

Page 9

He punches the “worm.” Again, only one window of dialog and it sucks.

Page 10

I have to say that I’m already tired of this book and want to quit. We’re now in a lab… Lance Henderson is there. Not really but a guy that looks just like him is.

Page 11

Fish things come from the sea and of course walk in a perfect set down the street. At least all of the backgrounds are finished.

Page 12

That is an extreme close up on that fat guy in the terrible shirt. Totally distracts for the red blob of shit on the page.

Page 13

This is the stupidest page I’ve read yet. The characters are speculating about what’s actually happening and nailing it 100%.

Page 14

So this character decides that it’s a good idea to pluck out an eyeball and stare at it. Then his heart blows up, or something.

Page 15

Oh he’s okay… just converting the non-believers. “Dammit, Cross, you’re pissing me off” is correct.

Page 16

Oh a little commentary about the writers hatred for comiccons… not the right audience, that’s for sure.

Page 17

Kudos for the try, but the proportions are all off. Also, stop breaking the panel lines; you’re no good at it.

Page 18

Not Grandpa Manny! No idea the point of this page other than to reveal hood guy.

Page 19

Seriously this artist couldn’t set up a page to save their life! Why the fuck is that chick so dominate on the page? I guess I missed the part where she became the ruler of Oblivion… Let me check the first 18 again…not it still sucks.

Page 20

Vampires killing fish people, doing work. Another terrible page layout I might add.

Page 21

This better not be a double size issue. Lot of heads get chopped off on this page and a lot of backgrounds go unfinished.

Page 22

They made it to the tower, but their dialog is feeling out-of-place.

Page 23

Nothing worth talking about happens.

Page 24

More killing and Britt’s boobies get bigger, but she seems excited to kill her boss.

Page 25

Called it! She’s going to “put him down” for a nap after he eats some ants on the log. Also we see more of the crossovers… pass.

Well there you have it. Maybe it made you laugh or cry. God I hope you didn’t read this book. I’m still scoring it, even though I didn’t tell you anything about it. Actually, Cthulhu is real and invades the planet and crosses dimensions. That is all you need to know. No appearances from anyone other than CVO!

Score: 1/5

Writer: Duane Swierczynski (very surprised by this) Artist: David Messina Publisher: IDW Publishing Price: $3.99 Release Date: 1/25/12