Review: DC Comics 11/23/16 – There Can Be Only One
By Dustin Cabeal
We get a ton of DC books, and due to a thinning of the ranks, a lot of them have gone un-reviewed for weeks. Not that I particularly care, but to amuse myself I read all of their releases this week and shit… it was a lot more than I was expecting.
What I decided to do then was put forth the challenge of picking only one of the remaining titles for purchase. Let’s be honest; comics are expensive, and there’s plenty out there from other publishers, and this isn’t DC’s strong week by any means. The rest of the review will be spent ranking the titles I read in their purchasability order.
I started with Batman Beyond #2. It was a lot better than I expected. The last time I read Batman Beyond it was the first time it was being included in the DCU and it was hot trash. I mean that. This was a lot better than I expected even if it had a weird narration in the middle explaining Batman and Joker’s final showdown. This is as the leader of the Jokers is attempting to bring the Joker back to life, which was cool. The comic felt a little like the show in the simplicity of its setup, but then weirdly mature in its art and concept.
CURRENT RANKING:
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
From there I moved on to Deathstroke #7 which was another surprise. This comic felt like I was reading a book out of the 90s, but a good one. One that stood the test of time, not like all the shit that had “blood” in the title. It was clever; it was well put together, and my god did it make Slade’s life interesting, but his family finally felt fucking relevant for the first time ever! That and Superman makes a cameo, and it didn’t suck, it didn’t feel forced and in fact it felt like the natural progression of the story based on what I know came before and what is shown in this issue. Also, fuck me, they gave this book a hell of an art team. This book makes some of DC’s other books with top talent look like shit. I still can’t get over how 90s this book is, but it works. It’s proof that anything can work again if there’s talent backing it.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
After being amazed by Deathstroke, I jumped into a kid’s title which was a mistake. Super Powers! #1 was the next read and well… I’m not a fucking kid. DC/WB should turn this into a cartoon instantly because it has the potential. It will also piss off anyone that cares about continuity because there’s none. I don’t even know if Batman is an orphan in this world. I do know that New Krypton is in our rotation and Superman’s birth parents are alive and well and welcoming a second child. Oh, and Brainiac is Superman’s half-brother… it’s not bad, but it wasn’t for me. I can never do more than one issue of this team’s work, and I don’t want to read something this fucking wacky and kid friendly. It’s purely for kids, which is great for them, but not something I want to read. Oh, and it’s not “all-ages” so don’t believe that shit.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· SUPER POWERS! #1
Teen Titans #2 is up next. I hate Damian Wayne by the way. Like really fucking hate him as a character. Thankfully they’ve completely ruined him here, or the writer isn’t very good at the character. Either way, he was way too tolerable. The story is meh. Ra’s Al Ghul has an assassin’s team that Damian was supposed to lead (when the fuck was there time for this in the last five years of his timeline?) and now they’ve each picked out their nemesis and are going to kill them. I’ll give you one guess who each of them picked? That’s right, a member of the Teen Titans. It’s not the stupidest way to put a team together, but it’s fucking up there. The only upside of this comic is that the art is so fucking good… minus Damian. You could tell the artist was trying to keep him looking like a kid, but the results were misshapen legs and fucked up feet. Otherwise, the rest is splendid looking.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· SUPER POWERS! #1
That brought me to Wonder Woman #11 which was the first time I’ve read Wonder Woman since rebirth. It will also be the last time I read Wonder Woman while Rucka is writing it. Out of all the comics I read, I understood this one the least. I should also mention that Deathstroke #7 was the first time I read that series as well as the other two #2’s on my list. Granted, I did say I knew about Deathstroke prior to reading it. Well, I knew a lot more of what was happening is Wonder Woman before reading it, and I still have no fucking clue what I read. There’s two parts of the story; one part was just women talking vaguely about vague stuff. One has a skirt that would totally flash panties by the way which I thought was interesting given everything surrounding this series. The other part of the story was Wonder Woman and Steve “Boring Fucker” Trevor supposedly on Wonder Woman’s island, but it’s not her island, and I didn’t really care. This book made me hate reading Wonder Woman more than the Finch’s run on the character did. With how well this book is doing it’s probably going to be a long while before I’m reading it again.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· WONDER WOMAN #11
Let’s go to Vigilante: Southland #2. Well… I felt like I missed an issue which is weird since I didn’t. I forgot a little of what happened in the first issue and this second issue, while still entertaining, wasn’t nearly as well-written as the first issue. It has a lot of info, but it was a far cry from the success of the first issue.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· WONDER WOMAN #11
That brings us to Batgirl #5, which Patrick will still be reviewing. There are aspects of this book that I liked, but overall it was cheesy as fuck. It’s probably the perfect book for tweens and teens, you know, if they read comics. They don’t though. They play fucking video games. The journey to reading comics typically comes from parents making their kid read them, then they get back into them sometime in college. Those informative teen years are skipped because why the fuck would they buy a comic when they could see a movie, eat food with friends or video games. Sure, they could steal it, but then why write a book for the dirty little thieves? And yes, I’m sure there’s some teens out there that buy comics or at least read them, but looking at the sales… it’s not a lot. I loved the art, the story was different, and I applaud that, but overall, it’s a book that doesn’t understand it’s demographic and will ultimately fail because of that.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· BATGIRL #5
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· WONDER WOMAN #11
At this point, I was losing steam and had made the mistake of saving the ones I had little to no interest in for last. Action Comics #968 is next, and this comic should be embarrassed that it’s a Superman title. Also, DC should be embarrassed that traded the New 52 Superman for Superfamily mess. There’s three pages of a civilian being a dick about not seeing Superman on his helicopter tour, and then Superman smashes to the ground around them, and the asshole has the audacity to ask for pictures and an autograph. What’s worse, why the fuck would you include this in the comic? To piss the reader off? I wanted the man and his family to die, and that’s the biggest takeaway from this issue. Oh, and why is there a Clark Kent that’s not Superman in this book? Fuck this series and fuck Superman. Somehow I liked Wonder Woman #11 less.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· BATGIRL #5
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· WONDER WOMAN #11
Let’s head over to Green Lantern or more specifically Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #9, which is basically the continuation of Green Lantern in that it focuses on the space side. Unfortunately, this is like fan fiction. Robert Venditti adds Starro and Brainiac to the mix, and while that sounds cool, the problem is that it’s not cool in execution. Not only does it make Starro a subordinate of Brainiac, there’s this really cheesy moment in which they figure out it’s Brainiac and say it together like it’s cute or some shit. The tone of this book is goofy as fuck, and I didn’t care for it because of that. How can I take the threats seriously when everyone is just slapping knees and shit? Brainiac should make them crap their pants, but instead, they’re just going to figure out how to get out of the jar and call it a day. The art was beautiful, I mean really fucking pretty to look at.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· WONDER WOMAN #11
I’m going to get Titans #5 over with. Compared with all of the other titles this book launched aside, my god is the story moving slowly. Which I guess is a great contradiction to the fact that Wally West is in the book. He dies again by the way or gets absorbed back into the speed force. Do we care about this anymore? Hasn’t everyone forgotten the mystery that Geoff Johns set up and then left in the hands of editors that were like “we don’t care about that shit.” The book is just a generic speedster story in which Wally must save everyone and does… it wasn’t interesting, and the drama and heartfelt scenes felt hollow and forced.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· TITANS #5
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· WONDER WOMAN #11
Totally forgot about Future Quest #7! This book was a breath of fresh fucking air compared to the last few titles. The story is trudging rather slowly, though. That’s my one complaint, but there’s so much world-building that I don’t hate it for taking its time. The art varies a bit too much with three different artists on the issues, but overall it’s an entertaining story that’s still worth reading. Just get to Space Ghost already!
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· FUTURE QUEST #7
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· TITANS #5
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· WONDER WOMAN #11
I never wanted to read another Harley Quinn title in my life. I read the first issue and some other mini of some kind, and that was it for me. I hate this. I hate this more than Wonder Woman #11, and I actively hated that while reading it. I hated this so much that it made me reconsider writing this entire thing because I didn’t want to include it. I didn’t want to read it. Harley and Ivy go on a vacation… there’s implied nudity throughout and hinting of a bi-sexual relationship. Also some Joker shit… which was burning garbage covered in shit. I never, never, never, never want to read anything Harley Quinn ever again. If I do this again for DC and there’s a Harley Quinn issue that week, I will not include it.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· FUTURE QUEST #7
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· TITANS #5
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· WONDER WOMAN #11
· HARLEY QUINN #8
Guess what? Sixpack and Dogwelder Hard Travelin Heroz is still terrible. Not Harley Quinn #8 bad, but so fucking close it hurts. Dogwelder’s origin is revealed, and it was almost clever, but then I remembered what I was reading and saw just how many pages this shit fuck origin was taking up and just couldn’t bare it anymore. It’s the worst thing Ennis has ever written, and I wish that it had never escaped the draw it came out of. If you’re enjoying this book, don’t tell me. Let me just believe that everyone thinks that this is the biggest turd they’ve read.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· FUTURE QUEST #7
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· TITANS #5
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· WONDER WOMAN #11
· SIXPACK AND DOGWELDER: HARD TRAVELIN HEROZ #4
· HARLEY QUINN #8
The new Blue Beetle is one I’ve never had a problem with, but I did find it weird that of all the characters in the New 52, they chose him just to redo his story. Blue Beetle #3 was interesting. A bit too much filler and I couldn’t be bothered to care about his relationships since all of them felt forced and underdeveloped. I doubt I would ever read more, but it was inoffensive compared to other titles. In the end, though, it's just too generic to even be average.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· FUTURE QUEST #7
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· BLUE BEETLE #3
· TITANS #5
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· WONDER WOMAN #11
· SIXPACK AND DOGWELDER: HARD TRAVELIN HEROZ #4
· HARLEY QUINN #8
I have to wonder if Detective Comics #945 even counts as a full issue. I feel sorry for anyone that may have already bought this issue. It’s essentially three scenes, and the writer reveals why he put together this team for Batman. I say it that way because I don’t believe that Batman put this team together. The writer clearly thought it would be clever to have all ex-villains on the team so that he could analyze some aspect of Batman’s psyche. He’s a thought; maybe he would rather reform criminals than continue to chase them. Three scenes… seems to be a trend with this bi-weekly titles. The only way the can keep the pace is to deliver half a comic book, which no surprise, isn’t much fun to read. Also, please kill Spoiler because if you’re going to ruin her character, then it’s not worth having her back.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· FUTURE QUEST #7
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· TEEN TITANS #2
· BLUE BEETLE #3
· TITANS #5
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· DETECTIVE COMICS #945
· WONDER WOMAN #11
· SIXPACK AND DOGWELDER: HARD TRAVELIN HEROZ #4
· HARLEY QUINN #8
I checked out of The Flash after issue three. I just didn’t feel like following it anymore since I don’t try to read DC on the regular. This issue was chatty, and I think suffered from “Telling and not Showing.” Similar to Detective Comics #945, it felt like a couple of scenes and half a comic book. I still love the artwork. It’s like Aeon Flux invaded The Flash and it’s hands-down one of the best-looking books because of that. Next time I might just look at the art.
CURRENT RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· FUTURE QUEST #7
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· THE FLASH #11
· TEEN TITANS #2
· BLUE BEETLE #3
· TITANS #5
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· DETECTIVE COMICS #945
· WONDER WOMAN #11
· SIXPACK AND DOGWELDER: HARD TRAVELIN HEROZ #4
· HARLEY QUINN #8
We’re to our final issue of the week, The Hellblazer #4. I probably won't’ be reading any more of this ever. Not only did it not want to do anything with its story, but Moritat’s artwork was the worst I’ve ever seen it. I didn’t even realize it was him and apparently the release schedule is affecting his quality. Why does every fucking writer using Constantine just want to make him crack one-liners non-stop? He’s like the fucking Spider-Man of the DCU. It’s terrible; it steals from all the work other creators put into the character because they knew how to use restraint and the current editorial and creative teams using him, do not. Fuck Swamp Thing. I’m sure that would make most people poop their pants, “Oh damn, they got two characters that Alan Moore wrote?!” Yeah, it’s terrible. Thanks for nothing Alan Moore and thank you even less Simon Oliver.
FINAL RANKING:
· DEATHSTROKE #7
· BATMAN BEYOND #2
· FUTURE QUEST #7
· VIGILANTE: SOUTHLAND #2
· THE FLASH #11
· TEEN TITANS #2
· BLUE BEETLE #3
· TITANS #5
· BATGIRL #5
· HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #9
· SUPER POWERS! #1
· ACTION COMICS #968
· DETECTIVE COMICS #945
· WONDER WOMAN #11
· THE HELLBLAZER #4
· SIXPACK AND DOGWELDER: HARD TRAVELIN HEROZ #4
· HARLEY QUINN #8
Well, here we are at the end. Deathstroke #7 held on to the lead and never let go. If you’re going to buy one DC title this week, make it Deathstroke #7 and believe me, I’m just as surprised as you! Did you like this? Do you want more from another publisher or even DC again (I might need a week to recoup)? Then let me know. Did you buy any or all of these? Let me know what you thought, unless it’s about anything below Super Powers! #1, in which case I do not care. Thanks for reading and now here’s the scores, because that’s what we do here!