Training wheels. Safety scissors. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. All the above are safe. They keep you within a boundary of security so you do not endure any harm or shame. You never worry when using the above items because you will not risk anything.

And to that list I add Star Trek: The Galileo Seven, Part 2.

On a mission to deliver medical supplies, the Enterprise investigates a space problem on Muraski 312. Spock, Bones, Scotty, and some red shirts break down on Muraski. Axe wielding apes attack their shuttle craft, Galileo.

Meanwhile, Kirk has to wait for word from the away team. Commissioner Stick-up-his-ass warns Kirk that the Enterprise needs to deliver the medicine to the New Paris colony.

So the conflict of the story relies on Kirk being thrust into a “Cold Equations” scenario: leave the away team to possibly die on the planet, or let the millions in the New Paris colony die without the medicine that Kirk must shuttle.

SPOILER ALERT

I try my best not to spoil a book, but the resolution of this comic is so fucking lame it could compete in the forty-yard dash in Special Olympics. Kirk decides to leave, but Uhura ‘commandeers’ a shuttle and saves her boy toy, Spock.

Everyone lives. No one dies. And no one gets in trouble. It’s that fucking stupid, and that fucking SAFE.

What’s up at IDW? Do they put no effort into making a story interesting? I know they can’t kill a major character, so there’s no chance of real risk. But there’s no story element to make this comic worthwhile.

Save for one: those spear and ax-wielding apes were bad-ass. Give them their own comic. Maybe I will have to read the Planet of the Apes comic.

Score: 1 ax ape attacker out of 5

Writer: Mike Johnson Layouts: Stephen Molnar Pencils/Inks: Joe Phillips Publisher: IDW Publishing Price: $3.99 Release Date: 12/28/11