Bryan Hitch’s Real Heroes came in like a wrecking ball over here at Comic Bastards. It sparked a dialog on the CBMFP and it received a very tough review. But good or bad it did get people talking about it and sometimes that’s all you need… sometimes. Oh and I lied when I said that I wouldn’t be back, Dustin is forcing me to cover this title. When we last left our “heroes”, Smitty is breaking down the rules of the fucked up world that he wants the band of Hollywood fuck-wits to save. As he does he rushes them out of the building that he teleported them too because Brainchild can track their signal and dispose of them in a flash. So they all pile up into a flying aircraft named the Hopper, that the cast is familiar with because they read the script. As the Heroes remind you why they are annoying, Smitty is already parking the ship into the flying fortress that called the Pantheon.

The team then receives the nickel tour of this epic vessel as Smitty informers them that “the key” is a device that brought them him and if they need to wait for it to charge before he can send them back. So while they wait, they should dress up like their fallen counter parts and cut a promo for peace that will sway Brainchild to chill out. They agree and moments later Mr. Brainchild shows up to see if peace it truly what they want.

This is a very tough book for me to cover. I want to be objective and call right down the middle, but I can’t. The premise that Hollywood actors are teleported to another world to play their “real life” counter parts, which have been murdered mind you, is beyond stupid. Sure its Galaxy Quest or even Three Amigos to an extent, but those were comedies.

The book is drowning with lack luster exposition as the Heroes discharge their pungent personalities. The only guy that doesn’t stink every time he speaks is Chris. Or it’s just the others are so intolerable, he wins by default.

The look of the book is fine. Its Bryan Hitch so it’s very hard for anything he draws to be ugly. The man is a talent without a doubt.  He might just need more time honing his craft when it come to the narrative. Oh and I’m calling the Smitty swerve right now.

Score: 1/5

Writer/Artist: Bryan Hitch Publisher: Image Comics/ The Hitch Factory Price: $3.99 Release Date: 5/7/14