Remember how much I enjoyed the first issue of The Illegitimates? How I feared that the series would lose the charm of the first issue after switching over from the “James Bond” esque character to his bastard offspring? Well that happened and in record time. Not a lot of love for this second issue, but hopefully it’s just a speed bump on the way back to the fun. We basically have five main characters… more like eight since you need to count the three characters running shit, but with so many main characters you need a reintroduction of sorts. The first issue didn’t spend a lot of time with the offspring so this second issue begins with each of them showcasing their “father’s talents” and being picked up by Olympus. That’s after a really terrible plot line of rich people emptying their bank accounts is introduced.

The bastards as I’ve taken to calling them are then told who their daddy was and why they’ve been picked up. Three of them bounce instantly not wanting anything to do with the situation or out of spite when they learn how involved Olympus was in their lives. They happen to be the three dudes in the group and all still have their mothers to go home to. The bad guys use their absence as an opportunity to kidnap their moms which sends them right back to the organization.

Timing in a comic book is key. The reader needs to believe the timing. I didn’t here. The kids travel back to their separate countries to discover their mothers have been taken and then travel back to the organization and arrive at the same time… just in time for training I might add. There wasn’t exactly drama building up to this point since you know that they’re going to come back so it’s strange that they thought this would be dramatic or that the audience wouldn’t see it coming from a mile away. Also considering how far spread they were, they would be incredibly jet lagged from their back and forth flights.

The other problem with this is that a secret government organization should be smart enough to place their family members in protective care. Really since they said they guided the bastards lives so much you’d think a sleeper agent would have been placed around the family at all times thus eliminating the possibilities of a kidnapping. Everything about Olympus became a joke after that. It was weak storytelling and I saw it coming a mile away when the bad guy somehow already knew about the bastards as well.

There really wasn’t a lot to enjoy or like in this issue. It just sets up the plot for the characters and since we as the reader were already aware of the plot… it’s dull. There’s no spy jokes or over the top moments. No heads exploding or anything really. If this was a movie, this would be when you went to the bathroom because you know that nothing is happening that you can’t miss or be caught up on with a quick sentence. It’s a shame, but hopefully it’ll return to being fun in the next issue; if not then I don’t see myself sticking around for much more.

Score: 3/5

Writer: Marc Andreyko and Taran Killam Artist: Kevin Sharpe Publisher: IDW Publishing Price: $3.99 Release Date: 1/15/14