By Dustin Cabeal

There were just too many licensed books that were utter shit to not just give a complete and total shout out to every licensed title out there. Even the few that I liked or didn’t hate can fuck off. If you’re a publisher that uses licensed brands as a fundamental aspect of your business model and would make the argument that “it helps get other books published,” then fuck off. No seriously, licensed brands are all terrible, and I wish that people would stop giving in to morbid curiosity or pretending that they aren't fucking killing the industry. For every brand comic you buy, that’s one original comic that belongs to the medium that’s not in that spot. It’s gotten to the point that even Marvel and DC feel like they’re just brand comics and that sucks.

2016 was just full of licensed brands from everything Hasbro, fucking Power Rangers, everything John Carpenter that could be butchered, 80s cartoon shows… again, and Cartoon Network’s entire lineup. Oh and Star Wars… please don’t kid yourself, they’re all garbage and just feeding a soulless monster that doesn’t give a fuck how it kept you from feeling like an outsider as a kid. No one cares anymore! Everyone watches the shit; the magic is gone and stop pretending goddamn comic versions are good.

Just to give you an idea of how many licensed brands are in comics, here’s as complete of a list as I could make. If you feel I’m wrong about any of these because maybe they were comics from long ago, just consider that they were still fucking licensed then too.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Godzilla
Jem and the Holograms
Transformers
Red Sonja
Vampirella
John Carter and spinoffs
Scooby Doo
Big Trouble in Little China
Escape From New York
ROM
M.A.S.K.
G.I. Joe
Action Man
The Flintstones
Future Quest
Grumpy Cat
Boo: World’s Cutest Dog
Smosh
Conan
Serenity
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Star Wars
My Little Pony
Strawberry Shortcake
Army of Darkness
Xena: Warrior Princess
Ghostbusters
WWE
Adventure Time
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
Munchkin
Labyrinth
Jim Henson’s Storyteller
Kong of Skull Island
Over The Garden Wall
Sons of Anarchy
Clearance
Betty Boop
Bob’s Burgers
Brickleberry
Zorro
Flash Gordon
The Shadow
The Phantom
Homies
James Bond
Green Hornet
Lone Ranger
KISS
Shaft
Sherlock Holmes
Wolf Cop
Yoga Hosers
Angry Birds
Back to the Future
Dirk Gently
Disney characters in general
Dungeons & Dragons
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
The Killer Inside Me
Mars Attacks
Orphan Black
Popeye
Powerpuff Girls
Samurai Jack
Skylanders
Star Trek
Street Fighter
The X-Files
Bee and Puppycat
Regular Show
The Strain
StarCraft II
Call of Duty
Fight Club
Dragon Age
Aliens
Predator
Prometheus
AVP
The Witcher
Angel & Faith
Tomb Raider
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Halo
Plants vs. Zombies
Tarzan
Planet of the Apes
Rick and Morty
Invader Zim
Assassin’s Creed
Dark Souls
Vikings
TorchWood
Doctor Who
The Adventures of Puss in Boots
Sherlock
Mycroft Holmes
Warhammer 40000
Heroes
Dishonored
Penny Dreadful
Bill and Ted Go To Hell

Listen… I’m sure I’m missing a lot, but when the list grew past 100 I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore so if I’m missing some… put it in the comments, but it should scare you a little that there’s 100 comics damn near monthly, that are licensed brands.