Your Holiday Gift Guide Sucks

I'm not going to lie, I love the holidays; no humbugs from me. What I hate about the holidays are gift guides. Every site seems to have one and most of the time they're either from the their sponsors or extremely expensive, which doesn't make any sense based on their demographic. Well this year, every single comic site seems to be pumping one out and they're terrible. One that I looked at for 20 seconds before rolling my eyes and closing the tab actually had comic writers and artist listing their gift choices, or in other words plugging their product or making up some crap. Since then I've seen them everywhere and their all bad. Here's the honest facts about buying for a comic nerd... they don't want books for Christmas, we buy that shit all year long so don't bother. Yet that seems to be what most sites talk about because they feel they have to. Granted if you're an indie creator you don't have shirts and action figures to pedal like everyone else, but that's really what nerds want. That being said, here's some places to check out. You can lie to yourself and say that it's for gifts, but we all know that you're buying for yourself. If for some reason though you need to give someone else ideas and you don't know how to explain your need to own every Green Lantern corps shirt then send them links to hide your shame. Keep reading you Bastards!

For the DC Bastard


Are you a DC Fanboy or need to shop for one? Well check out Graphitti Designs they are the number one supplier of licensed DC shirts along with other properties such as Frank Miller's Dark Horse work. This is your one stop place for anything DC though without going from comic shop to comic shop wondering why they only have XXLs. They also have other crap and slew of Kevin Smith products, if memory serves me he owns the company but don't quote me on that.

DC shirt

For The Marvel Bastard


Now buying a Marvel shirt is easy. Stumble into any Target, JC Penny or Hot Topic and you'll see what I mean. But finding one that doesn't suck or isn't just a cover that Mad Engine has pooped on is difficult. So I present you We Love Fine or Mighty Fine as I prefer to call them. Not only do they have some really cool shirts buy Marvel, but they also have a ton of 80's properties as well. Although I don't give two shits about My Little Ponies, they seem to have a lot of shirts with the disgusting creatures on them. At any rate if you're looking for a Marvel shirt that you won't see on some guy at the grocery store then this is the place. I'll warn you though the prices on the shirts and shipping are higher than most places so you'll really have to love something in order to buy it.


For The Indie Bastard

Mouse Guard RPB

Being an indie comic fan is difficult during X-Mas since indie stuff isn't exactly easy to find to begin with. Hopefully someone that cares about you bought you something at one of the conventions this year and is waiting to give it to you. Otherwise this is the one Bastard that might enjoy getting a graphic novel or a hard to find issue. If that doesn't work get them the Mouse Guard Role Playing Game, it's co-created by the series creator David Peterson and packed full of extra Mouse Guard content!

Smelly Bastard


I'm sure you have some friend that's way into comics and not really into bathing. You like him, but never want to car pool. Well drop him a hint with the aroma of Captain America, you may need to buy an extra one to spray him before going into cons and dealing with his sweaty ass all day.

The Bastard That Only Like Punisher

I've met plenty of guys who just like the Punisher. They don't read the books and they give a shit to, but they enjoy all of the bad movies and most of the skull on the shirt. So what do you get that guy? Fucking everything Punisher duh.


Got me some slippy puns to keep my tootsies warm!


Now you'll look extra cool when ignoring the world while listening to shitty music.+


I'm pretty sure this is just a gun belt buckle and has nothing to do with the Punisher...

The Otaku


Where to begin with this right? I haven't a clue so I'm just going to recommend the only Anime I've liked in five years and that's Sekirei. I can't even begin to find a cool shirt for this series without getting put on a waiting list. In the meantime check out the first volume I enjoyed it a lot. Also it has boobies galore (like an R rating), so you may not want to pass it to your twelve year old that loves Bleach.


Stupid Bastard


This could also be called "Jerk Bastard", since it works both ways. If you have a friend that eats up stupid weird comic shit then perhaps he'd like that onesie that Kevin posted on earlier this week. Or maybe he'd like these stupid glasses that everyone loves talking about but never buys. This is where you can be a jerk because this next one can go either way. Say you have a friend that's really into Thor you could get him this ugly ass bouncer pal. Sure he doesn't have a use for it, but he might get a kick out of it and you'll get away with being a jerk.

There you have. It's not a detailed list or even the coolest, but there are some random things to buy a comic fan that aren't a giant fucking book that they've probably already read. The point is you're list sucks and there are plenty of cool things out there to buy that are related to the world of comics. Happy Holidays and hopefully you get the nerd shit you desire. If you find that Sekirei shirt you let me know so I can buy my own Christmas present thank you very much.