Review: Aliens/Vampirella #1

Maybe it was just me that was hoping that Vampirella/Aliens would be as much fun as Archie Versus Predator. Also I’m not even sure the order of the title since the cover clearly places Aliens first due to the fact that it rolls off the tongue better, but the interior credits have it reversed. To be annoying I will switch it whenever I feel like it. Vampirella is from Mars. I know… you just sighed because I’m pretty sure they retired that origin for her after it basically became one of the stupidest comic book origins there are. She’s like a female Martian Manhunter, but without anything remotely cool about that being her origin.

It’s the future and we’ve made it to Mars and we’re digging it up and shit. A catacomb is found and so the company calls in Vampirella to make sure it’s safe and that there aren’t a bunch of bloodsuckers down there. Side note, how the fuck would an entire planet of just vampires actually work? This is more and more like Martian Manhunter and it sucks (no pun intended… okay pun intended).

Vampi and the crew of annoying people whose profession is never defined and it really doesn’t matter because they all talk the same, head down to the catacomb. There a wall conveniently breaks, because the guy that found it is a dick and probably an android and wants to make Aliens. Then the facehuggers nab everyone except for the dude that’s clearly an android because he’s the only one that makes it out okay. They’re then quarantined and chest bursting and blah, blah, Alien stuff happens.

Aliens Vampirella #1Everything about this story is obvious and actually pretty terrible. I mean, come on. You have two great franchises and the best you can do is regurgitate the fucking movies, but place Vampirella in Ripley’s spot? For once can the corporation not be behind the fucking Aliens being successful in taking a human host? I mean think about it, they’re a parasite and they’re damn good at what they do. I don’t think they need corporate backing. That and we’ve seen that they can’t be controlled so why continue with that boring ass side story. It worked for the movies a couple of times, but let’s move on. Try something different. Do anything different other than create a vampire alien… because technically that’s what Vampirella already is. Just saying, you were technically beat to the punch.

Also everyone talks exactly the same. They don’t say character names often and so really it just reads like two people talking at the most. It actually doesn’t matter because everyone except for the droid are going to die next issue to create aliens.

The art is okay. It’s probably the best part of the story, but that’s not saying much. The backgrounds are mostly empty. The character designs are generic and we see Vampirella in her costume once just because and then she’s in some shitty space clothing that is more in line with a prison maintenance crew. It’s better than most Dynamite books, but even that doesn’t mean much since Dynamite has been stepping up their game for a while now.

If you were looking forward to this series, then you have no one to blame but yourself. All we can do is hope that Dark Horse does their own version of this series and actually nails it (unlike their Conan/Red Sonja series which Dynamite manage to fail at as well with Red Sonja/Conan). This is one of those stories that can only exist as a comic and possibility is what makes comics fun. It’s sad to see it fail so miserably to do anything entertaining and just follow the basic Aliens outline.

Score: 2/5

Aliens/Vampirella #1 (of 6) Writer: Corinna Bechko Artist: Javier Garcia-Miranda Publisher: Dynamite/Dark Horse Price: $3.99 Release Date: 9/2/15 Format: Mini-Series; Print/Digital

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