Review: Magdalena #12

How the hell is this book even still going? I’m pretty sure that the series started at least a year and a half ago and it’s just reached issue twelve? I’m not surprised though, it’s Top Cow and they can’t ship on time to save their lives. It literally takes all their effort to get Witchblade and The Darkness out each month. Speaking of Witchblade, look at that she’s on the cover and that’s the reason I gave this issue a shot. I had to know why they felt that their own hottie couldn’t sell the title and I’m pretty sure it’s because everyone is ugly as crap in this book. Here’s the story and I mean the entire story so Spoiler Warning ahead (side note, I’ve gotten much better lately about telling you when I’m going to spoil something). The Magdalena takes on a dragon that’s been resurrected. She gets the Spear of Destiny back from Sara and a piece of the original cross that Jesus was crucified on. I’ve never personally understood why the cross that helped kill him gives people holy powers, but it’s typical so what can you do. She beats the dragon and lets it go all the while Sara talks to her like she’s her fucking spiritual guide and literally does nothing in the book. Mags and her handler go back to the Church and return the bit of the cross which has obviously been switched with a carved out chunk of her spear staff. How they got the cross to fit in the spear I don't know, but like everyone in the room is staring at this shit because it’s really noticeable. Boom the end.

magdalena12_coverThe story was whatever. I seriously haven’t read this book in seven issues and this story hasn’t moved forward much since then. I guess they killed that kid that was supposed to be the next big villain or they just said fuck let’s do a dragon story I hear that How to Train Your Dragon movie last year made a lot of money. If you liked the rest of the series then it reasons that you’ll like this. If you didn’t then you’ll probably hate this book and wonder why you wasted your time.

The art was terrible. I thought all the ladies in Top Cow were supposed to be hot, too hot even. Burn your fucking eyes and soul HAWT! Sara looks like Mona Lisa with a fake arm on that cover and I have no idea why it’s raining on her making her look so sad to be in the issue. Also she has a fucking hood, put it up and stay dry stupid. The interior was inferior in every way. Look, I’m not the best artist in the world, but I’m not getting paid to draw thirty pages a month either. And even then my Wolverine is damn cute! Words do not describe how ugly the dragon in the issue is. It sort of looks like a Charlizard with a dog face and mow hawk with a handle bar mustache made of horns… I'm fucking confused just writing that sentence. Also the proportions for the drago-beast are out of control from start to finish. Aside from that Witchblade and Mags look the same with the exception of a costume change. Same head shape, same eyes, same hair and part, same boob size, same height... I'm sure they get Aunt Flo at the same time too they are so exact.

I don’t know why I read this book, I was just so damn curious as to why Top Cow would confuse their market by slapping Witchblade on the cover when the series is not as recognizable as it once was. Sure Tim Seeley is doing a great job on that book, but that doesn’t mean that slapping the character on another title will sell both series. Imagine someone who started reading Witchblade with Seeley’s run and then picking up this? They would be confused and wondering what the fuck was going on only to never receive an answer because this title is too far behind. Don’t waste your time or money unless you’re a diehard or wondered if they were going to strap a saddle on the dragon and save the day.

Score: 1/5

Writer: Ron Marz Artist: Nelson Blake II & David Marquez Publisher: Image Comics and Top Cow Release Date: 5/30/12