Review: X-O Manowar #12

Opening on Loam, the issue starts with the Vine High Council being briefed on the X-O armor and its wearer’s attack on the Vine priests.  The scene shifts to Aric speaking to a Vine high priest about the passage of time since the human’s imprisonment on the alien planet.

When Aric sees a woman he mistakes for his wife, he gets a lesson from the High Priest about the slavery exchange with the Visigoth people.  Incensed, Aric flies off to confront the Vine and kick some alien ass or whatever orifice they use to expel excrement.

After the Hive throw a few volleys of some high tech ordinance at our hero, poor Aric gets a bump on the noggin and dreams himself into some reruns of Perfect Strangers.  A Hive soldier and ally to the High Priest rescues Aric before any harm can befall the armor and its wearer. 

Aric wakes to the comfort of the beautiful slave girl that he mistook for his wife.  When the rescuing soldier approaches, Aric attempts to use a full can of Raid on the space roach.  The High Priest intervenes and calms things down—somewhat.

Many of the Vine have come to accept Aric as their personal savior.  So Aric uses that notoriety to impress the slave chick and get some exercise outside of the armor.  Wink, wink.

Not to be outdone, the Vine commit to launching an all-out assault on the slave camp.

I just told you the entire story to this comic book, BUT you are still going to buy it.  Why?  For one, I could recreate the entire issue with hand puppets and a planetarium laser light show and it still won’t be as good as the art and writing found in this comic.  Second, this title will pump you up with its story of a man who stands alone against an army that after reading this you will want to hit the gym and throw and extra pair of 45 pound weight plates on the bench press because you will be so charged up.

Stop spending money on issues of My Little Pony: Friendship is Tragic just so you can fit in with all the hipster idiots who think they are so meta for liking a 1980’s toy retread.  Reclaim your humanity by buying this book monthly because it will give you an opinion, a shot of confidence, and a lesson on how to fight the battle that just can’t be won. 

Score: 4/5

Writer: Robert Venditti

Artist: Cary Nord

Publisher: Valiant Comics

Price: $3.99

Release Date: 4/17/13