You can't have the "Best" without the "Worst" so in typical Comic Bastards fashion we're bringing you the worst movies of 2015. Yeah we're steadily into the new year, but let's not forget what made for some painful cinema last year. Also, we could only pick the movie's we've seen. So if something isn't on our list and you're surprised... don't be. That means it was so bad we didn't even waste our time.
When my wife and I saw this in theaters, we contemplated leaving several times during this film. The film was HORRIBLE. If you’d like to see my in-depth review, check it out here, but at the time of my review, this was the worst film I have ever seen. I didn’t have much faith, because I feel Amy Schumer is not very funny, but this was cringe worthy. The dialogue is banter and meaningless, and not only that, but it was so vulgar and pointless, it just became annoying. Also, this film was like over 2 hours long, and that is INSANE for a comedy, especially considering the plot was so basic and obvious. Trainwreck smashes down to my #2 spot.
DAVE: United Passions
It seems a bit unfair to include this laughable FIFA propaganda film on this list, but after a year that has seen crook after crook get their comeuppance after years of bribery, corruption and Mafia-style omerta, it seems oddly appropriate. FIFA spent about $24m of its slush fund (but it’s a non-profit organisation, of course) on this self-serving mess, recruiting reasonably respected actors like Tim Roth, Sam Neill and Gerard Depardieu to come on board. The oddest thing about the film is that it’s a football/soccer film that places meetings, boardroom deals and advertising contracts above the actual sport in importance.
Roth plays recently-deposed FIFA president Sepp Blatter who, along with his mentor Joao Havelange (Sam Neill) reforms FIFA and makes the World Cup the world’s grandest sporting spectacle. Also, if you want to swallow the propaganda, the two ended apartheid, survived bankruptcy and beat internal corruption (it seems laughable now, given how many of these men and their cronies are - or soon will be - behind bars). Someday there might be a film about what really happened at FIFA as it went from an insular, loss-making organisation to making more money than the GDP of a small country, but this film is not that. More importantly perhaps than any of the nonsense the film spouts is the fact that it’s more boring than one of those FIFA meetings.
I know that some of you are probably wondering how the fuck this isn’t my number one movie. Let me explain, the number one movie had a budget and filmmakers that should have been able to make something better than a turd. Vice was a bad movie on a terrible budget. I suspect that they spent all their money, getting Bruce Willis or even worse this film was tanked by Willis’ Expendables 3 paycheck being pushed over to Vice’s check book. Whatever the case, the story is god awful. A city that people can do whatever they want and A.I.’s that are so lifelike that they have to wipe their memories… because they’re murdered and raped daily. For some reason the Punisher is there, but he’s not the Punisher, he’s just a cop with morals. We never learn why. He kills real people to set the A.I. people free… it’s a piece of shit and the filmmakers should be embarrassed and so should the actors.