By Dustin Cabeal

I’m going to hurt some feelings here… we don’t need Vampirella anymore. We don’t need vampires in comics, at all. They’re done. The idea of a sexy vampire isn’t exciting and let’s not pretend that some future generation isn’t going to have access to the internet and still need to get a boner (male or female boner, doesn’t matter) to hot fucking covers of Vampirella. Why Dynamite thought rebooting this franchise mattered to anyone is beyond me. They were selling covers. That’s all anyone was buying it for so don’t pretend that it was something more than that.

Reading the first issue of this series left me more confused than any first issue I’ve ever read and there wasn’t even a murder mystery to solve… wait… maybe there was? No, it was a social media mystery! Why the fuck would you bring twitter into this world? Also, build relationships, don’t thrust them upon the reader and just ask us to hang out until it makes sense. No. I don’t care then. If you want me to hang out you better give me better fucking characters. This series doesn’t need to exist. It only does because idiots keep buying it and pretending that we can’t have it go away. Guess what comic readers, not everything has to last forever and we’d probably get better shit if we told companies “nah, we’re good on all the Vampirella bullshit.”