WTF Review: Teen Wolf - Bite Me #1

Teen WolfHaving been born in the 80’s I get a general distaste in my mouth when they’re updated for a new generation. In the case of Teen Wolf, the updated version exists in name alone as it has nothing else that resembles the campy movie comedies from the era. Now it’s more Twilight than campy, but there is one other major source that it’s taking its story cues from and guess what… it’s from the 80’s as well. If you ever watched the TV show Werewolf, then do not bother watching or reading the new Teen Wolf show or comic since you’ll have already seen a far better version of it. The comic opens up introducing the main character, Scott or Jimmy or some shit, his name is horribly generic just like the story. He passes out when he gets around a rabbit and then the story just moves on from there only acknowledging that he passes out awkwardly in a later scene. From there the main character uses his werewolf abilities to help him on the lacrosse field, until he’s checked from behind and somehow manages to launch the ball directly at his girlfriend. In front of everyone he runs over to stop the ball, but is too late when another vampire werewolf grabs the ball out of the air. At this point apparently the game is over and no one acknowledges that he just launched a lacrosse ball at killer force and then tried to run over and grab it… did I mention that the game is over? That the stands literally just clear out as this is going on for no reason. Some other stuff happens and also ends abruptly and our character is transported to his house. His girlfriend stops by for a visit, but he can’t switch back into his human form. I have no idea where his parents are in any of this either.

Honestly I can’t recommend anyone buy this book and really I don’t know who it’s for. It’s clearly not for the average comic book reader. It’s not even for the casual reader. It’s for fans of the new TV show, which is basically made up of fans of Twilight. The problem is that I don’t see them buying this derivate crap. The story is extremely choppy and basically when every scene ends, that’s it they just move on to something else with little to no explanation as to how they got there. The worst is the narration, because I couldn’t figure out which character was narrating the crap book. I thought it was the main character at first, but then they started referring the main character in the third person. Frankly if this is any representation to the story or storytelling of the TV show then count me out. Again thought, I don't see fans of the show picking it up either when they could just watch the show.

The art on the other hand reminds me of any of the callous adaptations that Dynamite produces which makes it a bigger laugh as the artist has mostly worked on IDW’s callous adaptations. The art is as much of a train wreck as the story. In the lacrosse scene there are two teams playing each other, or at least I assume there is because one team has a grey shirt and maroon jersey while the other team has a maroon shirt and grey jersey. Not that it really matters because the art is so bad you don’t care who you’re looking at and the story is even worse since you don’t know if it’s a practice or areal game they’re playing or what is going on in general.

Maybe I just wanted too much information from this book, simple things like, “what happened in that last scene?” or “Why all the lights are on in this kid’s house and why his girlfriend is visiting with another guy in the middle of the night?” I mean I wouldn’t ask so many questions if the story wasn’t so bad and left all these loose ends and half written bits of dialog for me to do all the work of creating the story for them. Maybe teenage girls don’t care that he targeted his girlfriend with a lacrosse ball perfectly, from the ground as he was tackled and that his only motivation to stop the ball was because he threw it at his girlfriend; not that he didn’t want to endanger other people, nope if it had hit the poorly drawn woman in the front row he probably would have barked and scratched himself like a dog. This is everything that’s wrong with comics because this isn’t a comic at all, it’s a marketing tie-in.

Score: 0/5

Publisher: Top Cow and Image Comics