Review: Hunters – The Shadowlands #3 (of 5)

Out of all the books connected to the Unleashed story arc this is the one I find myself looking forward to each month. I’ll be honest, I don’t really know why. It’s not that it’s amazing or anything, but there is something about it that keeps me coming back. Hell, I’m not even reading Unleashed, but I assume that this is taking place prior to those events. The issue starts with “The Being” as I guess he’s called and Samira and her Werewolf. They talk, but they don’t say anything. Back with the Hunters they’re dealing with the creatures that their captive called forth. All the while Roman has left them for dead and gone back into his cabin to talk to his skull. Here’s where he gets stupid. After leaving his friends for dead, his friends that had no control over how long he’s been there or even how long they’ve been there, he has a change of heart. After hearing real human voices the skull voice is no longer good enough for him so he decides to save them. After the battle with the roach monsters is done the Hunters head into Roman’s cabin and he kind of explains that he’s been talking to a skull, but it doesn’t talk to anyone else nor can anyone scenes anything from it other than “dead.” Also he summoned a Rhino thing to scare the roach monsters off… yeah.

After that each of the Hunters takes a turn at threatening Roman. I’m not joking; all of them except Sela take a crack at this dude. The part that I had to laugh at was when Van Helsing grabbed Roman’s dick and began asking about his backstory or something. Maybe she didn’t, but he sure as shit gave his entire backstory all while she tightened her grip on his penis and sweat poured down his face. It had to be one of the weirdest scenes I’ve ever read in a comic book. No one else in the room acknowledges this and once she lets go things go back to normal. I guess Roman is just into that kind of thing.

GFTHunters_3_coverAI really couldn’t get into the other half of the story. I read it and understand what happened, but it was pretty boring. Basically the Being steals Prometheus’ internal flame (why the fuck he’s in the Shadowlands is beyond me) and then walks up to the monsters of the Shadowland and basically says, “what’s up fuckers you work for me now.” Most of them are like, “yeah cool you look evil and powerful so whatever” while a few are like, “Fuck you maggot face.” And then he kills them and makes the rest of them kneel before him because it’s a comic book and everyone finds that amazing when people are forced to kneel. Thanks Zod!

The comic isn’t terrible, but it kind of is. It’s like a ‘B’ movie, you know that it’s bad but you still like it. The thing about ‘B’ movies is that they don’t know they’re bad and I get the same impression with this series. I mean the entire dick grabbing scene was just fucking weird and yet that made it to print. Literally the artist had to draw Roman sweating like he was about to cum because of the script and the dialog was all about Roman’s past; his sister being kidnapped by werewolves and turning into one and then coming back and killing his family years later. I couldn’t take it seriously. Here’s the crazy part though, it’s basically his sister’s skull that he’s been talking to or at least that’s the impression I got.

The art was as good as the other two issues. It’s not mind-blowing, but it’s decent enough to support the story and while there were some rough edges, for the most part it was smooth. Prometheus exploding was pretty cool.

The thing about this series is that it basically doesn’t try to get new readers. It’s made for fans that Zenescope already has and I guess that works for them. If it keeps the power on and everyone gets paid then who can tell them to change their formula. It just doesn’t create interesting stories or progress the medium at all. In a way it points out a problem with the entire industry. If like me you read the first two issues and there was something about them you liked then go ahead and grab this issue, but if you haven’t read it then I would just give it a pass.

Score: 3/5

Writer: Raven Gregory

Artists: Julien Noirel and Marco Itri

Publisher: Zenescope Entertainment

Price: $3.99

Release Date: 7/31/13