By Daniel Vlasaty

If you’re like me (and just about most other people in the whole goddamn world) then you love big dumb action movies. I know I do. They’re my favorite. Especially if they’re from the 80s or early 90s. That’s when they were the best. So much bad hair and ridiculous dialogue. They were corny and exciting and not completely original – but that didn’t matter because you knew the good guy was going to save the day and get the girl, and they were usually good for some solid laughs, and over-the-top deaths, and a shit-ton of explosions. You know, the good stuff. This is how I feel about Shirtless Bear-Fighter. Watching him fly his bear plane to fight some bearrorists rampaging through the city. This is the vibe I get every time Burke gets that faraway look in his eyes and dips into the ever-changing story of his past. It’s like an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie from a bygone era, just with evil sentient bears, a half-pig hillbilly warlock, an evil toilet paper company, and a man that hates bears so much he’s made a promise to himself and the memory of his fallen love to punch every motherfucking bear he sees.